Marriage: Aborted
I was five when my mom and dad divorced. Shortly after that a man moved in with us and soon, he and my mom got married. To make things easier, according to my mom, our step-dad adopted us. I’m not sure who it was supposed to be easier for; certainly not for my sisters and me. My sisters and I were deprived of our father, for a man who didn’t care about us at all and we didn’t even like him. My older sister and I only called him dad to his face and that’s because we got in trouble if we didn’t. By the time I was 14, they had divorced too. My younger sister and I stayed with mom (my older sister had moved out by then) and never saw “dad” again. Orphaned by two fathers.
For months I have been reading excerpts from a book that was recently published, Primal Loss by Leila Miller. I could not read all the excerpts she posted to Facebook because too many of them struck home with me. Others were just too heartbreaking to read. I think the book is great, though admittedly, I still haven’t read it. I did finally find the courage to purchase it, but not the courage yet to read it. I want to give a copy to the priest friends I have so they can read it and better understand the trauma divorce causes, especially to children.
The other day I was praying and the word “abort” came to mind and then the word “marriage”. I was a bit confused because those two words don’t go together; but then I realized they do - though they should not. Marriages are being aborted at an alarming rate and our culture, it seems, is either encouraging it or ignoring it or accepting it - anything but condemning it and trying to prevent it. How did our world become so selfish? When did we start thinking more of ourselves than our loved ones? Divorce is a tragedy.
Marriage is the union of one man and one woman for life - only to be separated by death. The two are supposed to become one flesh and remain together. Instead, the flesh is being torn apart (much like a baby ripped out of the womb of its mother) and husband and wife go their separate ways. Two people, who became one. They are supposed to help one another get to heaven. But someone aborts the mission. Maybe something happened or maybe nothing happened, but the mission is aborted.
When marriage creates new life and then gets aborted, it is not just the man and woman who are affected, but also all new life that came from that union. A new way to abort our children, not killing them in the womb, but just discarding them. Creating a new life for yourself that does not involve your spouse and children anymore.
Mission matrimony: aborted. Mission parenthood: aborted. Why? Why do we give up so easily? Why do we think we are the only ones who matter? Why do we convince ourselves that no one is getting hurt?
We think if we abort the mission we can start over and try again, but it doesn’t work that way. Damage is done to everyone involved and that damage cannot be undone.
